DAN / WAITER Bonjour madame, comment allez vous ce soir?
JENN / PATRON Oh, I don’t speak French.
DAN / WAITER Ah, you are American, how charming. Please come and sit.
JENN / PATRON Thank you, I am in a bit of a hurry. There is a meeting in town tonight that I must attend.
DAN / WAITER May oui, always in a hurry. This is not so good for digestion. Please examine our menu.
JENN / PATRON [looking over the menu] I’ve never understood French cooking. Do you really eat snails and frogs?
DAN / WAITER Would you care to try these delicacies madam?
JENN / PATRON No, no, just wondering. Uhhh, what’s this down at the bottom...the...mystic special?
DAN / WAITER Mon dieu, this dish is so rare that our chef Francois DeLeon is the only man who offers it in the world.
JENN / PATRON Well, I’ll have that...
DAN / WAITER Ah madam, Francois will only make his mystic special if he feels you are worthy.
JENN / PATRON You’re joking!
DAN / WAITER No madam, Francois is very picky.
JENN / PATRON Well, ask him if he will make it for me.
DAN / WAITER Alors...Francois...cette dame veut la mystique spéciale. He asks why you want it?
JENN / PATRON This is outrageous, are you in business to make money or to annoy patrons?
DAN / WAITER I am very sorry madam, but Francois is Francois. Can you tell me why the mystic and not a nice chicken l’orange?
JENN / PATRON ...... I’d like to try something you say is so rare. Maybe I’ll really enjoy it.
DAN / WAITER Hey...Francoise...elle dit qu'il est seul. Francois says this is not a trophy dinner, you must have a real need.
JENN / PATRON A real need?!?
DAN / WAITER Oui madam, the mystic dinner is at its best when you have a real need. Please ask your self more deeply why you want it...
JENN / PATRON I... I...suppose I’m hungry.
DAN / WAITER Non.
JENN / PATRON I... I... think it will make me feel better.
DAN / WAITER Non.
JENN / PATRON I, uh, because I want to be happy.
DAN / WAITER And you think the mystic dinner will make you happy?
JENN / PATRON I guess I am hoping that the mystic dinner will make me truly happy.
DAN / WAITER Eh...Francois...Elle pense qu'il la rendra heureuse. Francois likes your answer but he says we are out just now. Would you like the chicken, it is very good tonight.
JENN / PATRON Out? out!
DAN / WAITER Oui, I am so sorry madam. Francois is Francois.
JENN / PATRON No leftovers at all?
DAN / WAITER No madam, we are out. Out is out.
JENN / PATRON OK, I’ll have the chicken.
DAN / WAITER An excellent choice madam. I think you will be very happy with the chicken.
JENN / PATRON [rising from chair] Where is your restroom?
MATT / DRIVER [Enters and sits]
DAN / WAITER Ah oui, it is just down the hall and up the second flight of stairs to your left. As you are our first customer this evening I will need you to light the propane light in the bathroom. There is no electricity in that part of the building. Does madam have her own matches? You can leave the light burning for the next customer.
JENN / PATRON I hope you don’t make it on tips.
DAN / WAITER Very good madam, come right back so you are not late for your meeting.
JENN / PATRON [exits]
MATT / DRIVER Can I get this mystic special thing to go?
DAN / WAITER Oui monsieur, I have one right here...